Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Bacon Mints you say?

Uncle Oinkers Savory Bacon Mints...... Go ahead, let that sink in for a minute. Thats right I said bacon mints. Mints? yummy, refreshing....Bacon? well of course bacon... but together? I never thought those two flavors should be combined. Having now had the bacon mints it is confirmed, those two flavors should have never been combined. Let me say this, all you will ever need is one, just one of these bacon mints, ever... in your entire life. Its a pretty good deal you get a pack of a hundred for under two bucks, thats less than two cents per mint, at the rate of one per lifetime, really very affordable. The first thing I did when I opened this up, and what I make all my victims...err I mean taste testers do, is breathe in that savory aroma. Now this is no naturally flavored bacon mint, the aroma that hits you tells you right away this is some sort of chemically induced wrongness. At first whiff, it is neither minty, nor bacon-y per se, but more like what a plastic microwave bacon tray would smell like if it caught fire. Now here is the kicker, they taste worse than they smell. Thats right if the smell doesn't start the convulsions, the flavor most certainly will. I had someone see these at my desk and I tried to warn him. I made him give it a sniff, he gagged a little but now people were watching, he had to try one. He lasted approximately 3 seconds before the taste really invaded his mouth, and brought him to his knees there in the hallway, scrambling for a trash can to spit the thing out. I thought he was going to puke right then and there. Fortunately, his breakfast stayed down, then he discovered probably the most frightening part about these little nuggets of joy. Just because the mint was now in the trash, the taste wasn't gone. I am not sure what is in these little guys that is sooo long lasting but it must be like that Stride brand gum. It really "hangs in there", like give me a brush or steel wool to scrub it off my tongue "hangs in there". So minty refreshment? Not so much. Humorous office gag? A little. If you have a tin of tiny mints, place one of these in with the others and you could play bacon mint roulette. On a scale of 1 to 5 strips of bacon this only gets a half strip and thats only if you enjoy seeing other people in misery the way I do.

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